Right, I guess when you decide to start again, you need to start at the beginning. Right?
I am one of the greatest failures in my life. Somehow, I have managed to take all the skills and talents I was born with, and totally screw everything up. An achievement in itself, one would say.
I am single (though not for lack of trying not to be), lonely, a bit depressed, and broke. I work in a dead end job doing nothing that anyone really cares about, including me. I live a fairly simple life. I get up in the morning, work, eat, sleep, and go back to bed again. The only variation to this theme is at the weekend, when I substitute “work” with “drink”.
I have no real friends – over the years they have all answered the knock of opportunity and decided to move away. Cant blame them.
I have some things in my life though – two demons to be precise. They keep me company from time-to-time. I call them FEAR and RAGE. I feed them regularly, though to be honest I don’t really have a choice. They feed off me whenever they feel like it.
FEAR is probably the most powerful of the two. It ensures that I spend my life worrying about tomorrow, and has the most influence on how I think and act. It keeps me wound up in a little ball of tightness, always wondering when the next slap life gives me in the face is going to happen. If it wasn’t for FEAR, I would be in danger of actually being happy from time to time.
RAGE is much more subtle. It lurks in the background, waiting for its chance to appear on stage. It takes the liberty of making sure I hate myself – who I am, how I look, and my life in general. It encourages me to blame the world and the gods for the mistakes that “I” have made in my life. RAGE will always make sure that I will take any slight personally, any comment directed towards me negatively, and any piece of ill luck a sure sign that the world is out to get me.
The three of us make a pretty miserable but effective team.
Where would I be without my demons?