I’m not sure what’s wrong with me today. Something seems to be chewing on the back of my mind, and I cant figure out what it is. It’s irritating. And it is sorta getting me a little down, and I am finding that small things are annoying the hell outta me.
I should be much happier today. It’s Friday. I have a load of drinking and gaming to look forward to tonight. I am off Saturday and Sunday is Saint Patrick’s Day meaning I have Monday off as a bank holiday too. Three days off work. Three days of lie-ins and freedom. Three days of doing what I want, when I want.
Three days of boredom?
i don’t know.
And I don’t know WHAT the heck is chewing on me. It is probably a fleeting, random, depressing thought that has popped up during the unceasing, rambling, stupid dialogue that plays on and on in my brain at all times – and that thought has gotten stuck.
Maybe I am missing HER. I woke up thinking about her this morning. Maybe that is what has dampened my mood. It might be. I am missing her from my life as per usual. Wondering what she is up to today. Wondering what she has planned for tonight. Wishing I could just be with her and make her laugh and have fun the way we used to.
Sometimes I get really f**king sick of my stupid self and my stupid life. Why can’t I just let things go? Why does everything have to be thought to death?
Hotmail is screwing around so i am missing e-mails. I think I may have ordered a set of lifting chains wrong even after measuring them BECAUSE I CANNOT CONCENTRATE on the simplest things. The work bathroom is a mess because the lazy assed people who work here can’t be bothered to clean it, and I am tired of doing it. I just want to go home and climb into bed. God – I am ratty today :p
What will I do tonight that I can look forward to? Playing Minecraft on my own? Playing Flight Sim – pushing empty planes around a pixelated world? Playing Warcraft with 13 year olds? Is this what she has reduced me to?
In my heart of hearts, I know it is what “I” have reduced me to. It just seems easier to blame her. She seems to have come out of our little relationship fairly intact while I am lonely and bleeding like f**k. ANGER says hi.
Damn it anyway.
One thing is certain. I need alcohol tonight. Lots and lots of it. So much so that playing with 13 year olds will probably seem like fun. Not sure they are gonna see playing with “me” the same way though.
I am allowing myself a silent laugh right now.