Little shafts of light?

I am almost tempted to allow myself to feel a little bit optimistic today.

 I have spent the last day or so throwing boundaries up around my life, in order to try to identify where I begin and where I end. To identify who is me.

So far I have come up with the following.

  • My mental and physical health
  • My appearance and personal space
  • My work
  • My family
  • My circle of friends
  • My love life
  • My finances
  • My possessions and assets
  • My emotions, and how I think and react
  • My interests and pastimes
  • My future

I am responsible for all these things. I am taking ownership of them. Anything that does not fall into one of these categories does not belong to me, is not part of who I am, and from this day forth I cease to worry about it, or invest any time in it.

I have deliberately excluded my past. It is a grey area. Yes, it does belong to me, but yet I can’t do anything to change it. When I shed my skin, I shed my past. It does not form part of me anymore. I am making the rules up as I go along. But I am permitting myself to. It feels good.

Since I started this blog, I HAVE noticed small improvements within some of these areas. And these little improvements are encouraging me to continue to slip out of my old skin.

I am feeling a little healthier. The water, air and multivitamins seem to be having an effect. And my work and living space have become much cleaner and tidier. I feel a little more organised and focused in my approach to things.

I am slowly but surely extending my little circle of friends. They exist in cyber space only, but that does not lessen their value to me. They listen to me, talk to me, extend their friendship to me, and I feel as though I am becoming to know them. I would prefer a good friend who lives on the other side of the world and with whom I have never met, to a guy who lives up the street and only calls me for want of a better drinking buddy. My small group of internet friends add so much more to my life, non-withstanding the fact that they lack physical form.

 I have picked up a new pastime. Blogging. It is something I am beginning to love. I love writing, and I love reading more. It is something I have discovered about myself. Something that has added a little bit of depth to my two-dimensional life. It is me. I found it all on my own, and I am developing it all on my own. Blogging is becoming part of my life.

Tonight, there is going to be a small family gathering. It is something I normally hate and dread. I normally think of excuses not to go. If I do have to go, I avoid as many relations as I can during the event; and afterwards I run and hide. But I recognise that my family is part of my life, and if I am going to make my life better, I MUST do things I don’t want to do. So I am allocating and investing time towards the event, and in doing so I know that a little part of who I am will benefit.

And so, for today, I choose to be optimistic. And I am thinking of little ways to improve the other areas of the space that falls within the boundaries of being “me”.

I choose to continue to try.

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