What is it about this goddam life in so far as it insists on being difficult?!
Every single thing is a challenge – a hill that I must conquer. So I conquer that hill; only to find another two hills facing me.
I press on – hill after hill after hill. Each time I take damage – each time I lose a certain amount of my force. But I keep going. I shout at my inner self “Take that hill – take it – TAKE IT!”
Part of me wonders what the point is. The forces against which I am arrayed seem far too heavy – too much. I want to just give up. Give in. I can’t make it. I need to retreat.
And my pure survival instinct says “Stop whining. Keep going. Keep moving. Keep conquering. Press on. Press forward. Take the damage, but take that hill!! “
How much do I have to conquer? When can I rest? Is life supposed to be like this? When will the enemy admit defeat?
Never, it seems. Never, never, never.
But goddam it! I have fought this far. I have fought and fought and fought. I try to remember every victory. Every day brings a new battle and every day somehow I manage to overcome it to fight again tomorrow. I don’t know how. Stubborn genes??!
But if there is a God, all I ask is this. Please, God, give me a break. Please! I just need to gives my forces a rest….
…..or must I conquer you too?